Monday, November 03, 2014

Sinical Excitement

Hearing your heart beat was comforting.
Then it went faster and faster as I scratched in circles on your torso inching my way to the centre. 
I became quite concerned as your heart thumped so loudly in my ear and it felt so hot I thought you were going to have a heart attack. You jumped, "I need some water." As you twisted your terrible single-use water bottle. Terrible. It makes you a terrible person. 

But not terrible enough to not spend the night with. Not terrible enough to not kiss. Not terrible enough to not get a taste. 

Ah, well. It was satisfactory. 

It was a learning experience. It will always be. 

But I wonder what you were thinking. I'm so curious. I want to know. 

And I want to be with you more often. 

Until I hate you. Which wouldn't take too long. I always end up hating people I come to know very well. There are always plenty of flaws in Homo sapiens. Not enough God-inspired love to last a lifetime. Not enough naïveté to forgive forever. 

I wonder if we'd be a good match. Ha-ha, who would match well with me? I can't stand anyone for long. 

It's always worth a try, I think. 

Shall we?

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Tiredness

I slept three hours. 6-8.30 a.m. Then came the question of morality. I wondered if it would justify my intentions. I wondered if it would make me look bad. I wondered if we would work out. Would we? Be compatible? What are you like? I craved for human touch. In my intoxication, I was comforted by her hand. It felt so good. It made me feel well. I was sad. I was in despair. I was cheap. 

Now I am awake. Aware. But still longing. Can I have you? Can I wait? Do you like me? I wish I knew. You're nice. Sweet. Soft-spoken. Caring. 

The perfect ingredients in making the perfect man. 

Life goes on. People pass by. We may meet again or
we may see others. 

We could be cool, cool, cool. 

Let's be cool. 

Better cool than cold. 

And I wish you favor. 


Me

Thursday, April 17, 2014

I Told You

I told you I would find someone who'd appreciate my care,
He calls me beautiful and amazing every time we're together. 
I told you I would find someone who'd treat me with respect, 
He cooks for me, cares for me, insists that I study and send greetings. 

I knew there had to be someone better out there, 
More mature, more cultured, and selfless.  
Although there are tiny problems in our embrace, 
It feels so good to be loved. 

No feelings, just needs. 
Hugs, hugs, hugs. 
No kisses, no misses. 
Hand to hand to arm. 

I am very lucky to find a lover, at last. 
A lover who loves me and not leave me cold. 
But I am the problem. 
I wish for another. But the other is ice who has never blinked twice.
At me. 

Leave he will, by 2015 gone. 
What will I do with my lonesome self then?
I don't think I can find another lover
As sweet and gentle as my Lindo. 

I'll have my room, unhappy with insecurity,
No one to hug in a soothing exchange of affection. 
Infection. Infection. 
I'm sorry I've been hit with apathy. 

I feel guilt for my neutrality towards you,
Yet relieved I did not fall for another goer. 
Confused, I thought I'll almost always love people I loved. 
Grateful, for your kindness, patience, and altruism. 

Fairly certain our personalities isn't the best fit, 
But good is good enough these days, isn't it?
I love you, my wonderful man. 
But I don't love you. 

I would have by now,
Maybe if you change. 
More room, less bother, less back, more slack. 
Not too cold now but it's a little hot. 

I've always preferred my food cool to warm. 
I've always been lazy to microwave. 
I've always liked autumn more than spring. 
I've normally been more laissez-faire than anything. 

So nice, so sweet, so true, 
"I'm happy to have meet you."
"I'm happy that you use Tinder."
"You're so amazing!"

Too kind, blind, but it's fine.
Extremes of cruelty and flattery, 
I'll take the latter. 
You make me well.

My sweetie pie, I'm sorry I do not love you nor own you. 
I'm sorry I do not miss you nor want to. 
I am safe. No stakes. Not wroughtten.
Bebe. Let's just enjoy the moment.