Saturday, January 10, 2015

Dating You

Dating you was heaven. 
Dating you was guilty.
Dating you was marvellous.
Dating you was bliss. 

I could never have for the life of me think I would have done what I had done.

But given the chance to turn time... I would still do it again. 


Seeing how I hate you so. 


Seeing how we saw each other three times more. 

Sex: six times in total. 

Sweet to one another like snuggly puppies.

Awful that I have to be so mean to you. Knowing that you do not care, have not changed, would not retaliate. 

Cowardly, insecure, and needy. 
Narcissist, psychopathic, deceitful.

Why? I beg you, why?
Somewhere in that gentle brushing of my back and post-coital night-long embrace, I thought you'd have a soul. Not just for yourself but a conscience for others. 
The soft hugs and hug thrusts implied you truly love.
Not me but someone other than yourself, at least.

A good thing was ruined--by your nature--of dishonesty and cock. 

I so very much want to see how you will live on. Leading on, beginning, nodding, bowing, lying, lying, lying...

My baby boot,
You will always answer the call. 

Being together is incredulously silly. 
Sillily fulfilling. Sillily romantic. Sillily rewarding. 

For a moment. A very, very short moment. 

We can't be but we are. 
Not more anymore.

That is good enough. 

This is good enough. 


P.S. Maybe I still love you. Trash. I always hoard them for awhile.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Depression Is

Wanting to be dead because it takes so much out of you to be alive.

Thinking about death almost every night because you believe it'd be so nice to sleep forever. 

Wanting to die but too afraid of the afterlife. 

Fatigue, fatigue, fatigue. 

Needing antidepressants.

Not taking antidepressants due to fear of serotonin depletion.

Overeating for energy.

Eating for happiness. 

Almost giving up everyday.

Wanting to call in sick for work every time.

Feeling useless but trying to be of some good.

Not ideal.

Not exclusive. 

Not fun.

Not helpful. 


Part of life.

A human condition. 

A living condition.

An involuntary lifestyle.

An unwanted mental state.

A symptom.

A precursor.


Sunday, November 30, 2014

Pro-familial Christmas Party

Hey everyone,

Great news. Don't wanna jinx it. But I really, really love my workplace right now. I'll explain in another post why the previous sucked hard floors (we all know vacuuming works best for carpets!). 

Wow. Food.

Figure out the series of pictures yourself.

Wow. I love cake. That was red velvet, by the way. Perfect consolation for when Tim Horton's ran out the "NEW" red velvet cookies when I wanted them at 1 a.m. the previous night. 

Suckers. I don't need them. I have the red velvet cake my boss bought.

It shouldn't be called booze but rather yayze!❤️❤️❤️!❤️❤️❤️
I'm calling it yayze from now on. 
"Don't worry, homies. I'll get the yayze."

Beautiful Christmas tree! *jealous*

Sisters from another store--wait, if the stores are sisters then we should be cousins. 

It is wise to honour those who deserve respect. You included. Honour your word.
These statues are beautiful. I realized my boss has amazing taste in everything.

Sparkly, lit-up gift boxes! SO PRETTY. *squeals* 

"You don't know how to take a selfie..." I said while frowning. 
It's okay, he may be a mechanical man but not a photographic one. 
We still love yew. Yews are good. 

I friggin' love the gift I stole from the driver. A David's Tea tea set! The crazy coincidence is that when the driver picked another gift from the stash, HE GOT THE EXACT SAME THING but it was stolen again. Crappy for him, man. But I'm relieved no one stole from me. 

I'm definitely going to give it my all. 

It has been one of the greatest pleasures in my working experience to be here. 

To two more years! (I know I've only just started.)

Thank you, thank you, thank you, S and M. 
Nothing makes me happier than seeing good people like the both of you with blessed lives.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

When it Counts

I never wanted the extras that much. I never cared for the things you got me... except chocolate. Because I have an unhealthy obsession with it. An obsession I wish I could control.

Honestly, if you could just be there for when it counts, that would make me think it's good enough. I don't want frilly things just durable items. A few precious ones to grab and treasure for good. It's not much, is it?

You turned me into a hoarder running away from you. You've burdened me and hurt me.

Now, this loneliness that you will soon experience, you will feel it in your bones. The quietness you can't endure. The need for constant television blabbering hubbub. The cynicism you harbor against the world, against the non-Asians, and males.

Pitiful fool.

Will you realize? Won't you learn?

Too old. Too damn old to humble yourself. Too damn stupid to crack your mind a smidgen.

Peace on Earth will never be uniform until Kingdom comes.

Monday, November 03, 2014

Sinical Excitement

Hearing your heart beat was comforting.
Then it went faster and faster as I scratched in circles on your torso inching my way to the centre. 
I became quite concerned as your heart thumped so loudly in my ear and it felt so hot I thought you were going to have a heart attack. You jumped, "I need some water." As you twisted your terrible single-use water bottle. Terrible. It makes you a terrible person. 

But not terrible enough to not spend the night with. Not terrible enough to not kiss. Not terrible enough to not get a taste. 

Ah, well. It was satisfactory. 

It was a learning experience. It will always be. 

But I wonder what you were thinking. I'm so curious. I want to know. 

And I want to be with you more often. 

Until I hate you. Which wouldn't take too long. I always end up hating people I come to know very well. There are always plenty of flaws in Homo sapiens. Not enough God-inspired love to last a lifetime. Not enough naïveté to forgive forever. 

I wonder if we'd be a good match. Ha-ha, who would match well with me? I can't stand anyone for long. 

It's always worth a try, I think. 

Shall we?