In our Toilet World

Having a Family is Overrated

I am fully aware that my title would outrage millions of people. Everyone likes babies. 90% of the people I've asked said they want to have children in the future. A photography teacher in my school said that married, childless couples were the most selfish people living without meaning in their lives. Wow. Really? I beg, kneel, cry to differ. C, a guy I was sitting in front of in my last two weeks of philosophy class, also expressed the same views. Something along the lines of "life only has meaning when you have children" or whatever. "What's the point of life if you don't have kids?" I said, "How about adoption?"

"Nah, I want my own kids. It's different."

Oh, so you call that selfless.

When there are millions of poor, hungry children in the world, you'd rather impregnate someone else to have a fresh new batch of babies of your own DNA. Very selfless.

So I find that people are merely using the excuse of "making life meaningful" for having children when in fact, they're just being typical human beings who want to extend their family line. It's instinctive, it's normal. Yes, I don't despise them for that. But even after trying to reason with them about all the benefits of not having children, they don't even bother to refute my arguments. It all goes back to, "People who don't have children are self-absorbed. I want children because it makes my life meaningful." Blah, blah, blah.

Perhaps it is my own history that influenced my view on families. But I also think it might just be my personality but I'll never know. It has already been done. You see, I am currently not financially supported by either of my parents. They are divorced. They hate each other's guts and they're both refusing to take responsibility for the disintegration of this family. I am the second and last child, my mom had two miscarriages after me and I think it was best that it happened that way. Imagine that, if she didn't have enough money after the first one, to let three more children suffer and fend for themselves?

The love that has sustained me were from friends and family friends who morally supported me. They are the people that I consider family. Of course food is important, the only thing I owe my relatives for is food and shelter (even though my aunt has kicked me out twice and threatened it several times more) but what really makes family? What is the definition of family? I would say sincere love. Care, compassion, coaching... you know, all the feelings and actions that help build people up not shove them to the ground?

I'm very certain most of my life I've always treasured my friends more than my biological family. The truest ones have brought me joy, expressed concern, helped or at least tried to, gave constructive and progressive advice. I remember every one of them. And I regard them as my brothers and sisters, not that Christianity stuff, but really, as people I love so much for giving me so much love when I was merely a friend or an acquaintance to them. I've had a church leader fail me before so I don't count on church for much help. They may preach much but they may not do much.

So I'd like to explain my strongly held belief of never becoming a mother, at least not a natural one, in the most unoffensive way possible.


1. Marriage

Let's not kid ourselves with forever love. Relationships are the hardest shit to manage. I've heard 51% of all marriages end in divorce. It's very common for newly weds to produce a child within the first three years of marriage and that's cray cray because the first two years are the "honeymoon period" where everything's all chill and good and then bam, comes the routine and boredom and irritation with you spouse. I was in Human Growth and Development and I remember for my ISU research about adoption that the majority of marriages that fail usually end within the first five years. (Then the child either gets put on the re-adoption list or lives with one of the parents.)

So if you want children, wait about five years to be sure that you truly love your spouse. It isn't fair for the child to be in a broken home and needing to deal with custody disputes, choosing between parents and homes.

Romantic love is shaky enough and to risk having a baby in the midst of the uncertainty is too much for me. OH! Also, in my research, I read that many times in a traditional relationship which still exists today, the breadwinner (typically male) resents the shift of attention and affection since the focus is all on the newborn. The baby forever changed the dynamics of the relationship. They no longer feel like lovers, only caretakers. There's also less time for sex, hobbies, or relaxation and if the breadwinner were to lose his or her job... that leads to my next point.


2. Money

First of all, screw all of you parents/parent with babies that are on welfare. Great work of making a child grow up in the projects. You should have thought it through before keeping that baby. I hate to see innocent people suffer, it angers me so much. The irresponsible person should be alone in the suffering, not demanding help by blackmailing the government with a dependent baby.

But that wasn't important. I'm putting this in the context of a more normal family situation.  It's not about unexpected teen pregnancies or reckless sexual lifestyles. So you decide to have a child, and bear a child but then you finally realize how overwhelming it can be to care for a child. Yeah, a baby is a bundle of joy but also costs a bundle of money. If you're like most people, you're not middle-class, you can't afford a nanny, you just got a house or apartment and the monthly mortgage is burdensome. Diapers, lotion, powder, clothes, food on top of the normal necessities you and your partner need. It is a huge financial commitment to provide for a baby and the baby's development and health the next sixteen years, legally.

I've also heard of parents who have mutually agreed to kick their child out at the age of sixteen. That's a shitty thing to do.

I guess if all goes well, the working parent or parents eventually get a promotion or salary increments, it could very well work out. But if the market crashes or whatever unfortunate happenstance (like a parent dying) then they should be prepared for that. Insurance is a great idea but insurance is also expensive. I don't think I'd ever get insurance.

So my advice would be, make sure both parents can individually support a child on her or his own first before having one. (Sorry for not being inclusive of LGBT relationships in my sentencing but it really applies to all kinds of relationships.)

I also think it's better to be well-off than working class (definition: "meeting the bare minimum", there are many definitions of working class, I didn't mean to be patronizing). I am envious of my friends who get to go on cruises, fly to Paris in the winter holidays, ski, learn music, go on a vacation three times a year, go to cottages in the summer, or even just drive to the States to shop on a whim.

Those are really nice experiences. It would be great if everyone had the chance to enjoy them. I had the privilege of going to a cottage last summer because of my boyfriend. I am reeeeeeeaaaalllllyyyy grateful for that. I also got to waterboard, ahem, WAKEboard because of my boyfriend's mom's ex-boss. The many exciting trips in my life were mostly from sponsors and friends and I want to thank them so, so, so, so much.

Give your child an exciting life, don't overindulge them but don't let them lack in exploring the world. So please, be financially secure before you think of caring for a baby.



3. Environment & Species

The world is overpopulated with people. Seven BILLION human beings and thousands of endangered and critically endangered species. Do you see the connection? I think we should be fair and work towards a balance between humankind and nature. Think about the animals too. I don't think it's fair that we keep urbanizing rural areas or deforesting to clear land for housing developments. It's not fair. In the Bible, God told us to "multiple and fill the Earth". Yeah, the job's been done, Mother Earth is pretty full of people right now so we can stop for a bit.

Plus, human activity takes its toll on the environment. More people = more damage.


I'd rather devote my life to protecting animals and trees than having my own child.


4. World Poverty

Kinda self-explanatory?

You could say that it isn't fair for you to be giving money to help OTHER people's children when they are clearly uncapable of providing basic necessities. I feel the same way. Why are wealthy countries constantly donating millions of dollars to developing countries to take care of their hungry children? How about STOP producing babies and asking for money?

But while such situations are complex and will take decades to solve, we can right now sacrificially help others in need. If you're using the reason of "having babies are meaningful", why don't you adopt?



5. Higher Goals

Most of the time, although it is now changing because of recent flexible workplace parental leave, a parent, usually the mother, decides to give up her aspirations and dedicate herself to soley raising the child and taking care of the household. If that was what the parent has always wanted, that's fine by me. I'm not saying you're an underachiever. But for those who had bigger plans for their career or have always wanted to do something else, it's a big bet that it's not gonna happen anymore. Unless you're lucky enough to afford a nanny or a babysitter who could be your parents or relatives who can help out.

For many, the baby becomes their world and prevents further achievements and that is something I do not want happening to me. Family really depends on your definition. The whole world could be your family, you can give your love to others and not just to people you're closely related to. As a young, childless woman, I do not understand the pride of mothers telling other people that they're mothers. Don't you realize they do that a lot? Those parents that write in their occupational description "Father, accountant, blogger, loves Queen" or "Mother, former model, writer, reader, has a dog named  Biffy", whatever. How good of a parent you are is what I want to know.


So those are my reasons and I'm very happy with them. I think they're logical and perfectly acceptable. It wasn't a stupid bias expression like, "Aw, I HATE KIDS. They're such BRATS and in high school, they do DRUGS and DRINK and get messed up." I remember I heard someone say before, "I hate kids, they're so annoying" and that was their justification for hating children.


Well, I pray to God I won't ever have children. I just feel I need to develop myself more. I could be ready to adopt when I'm 40 years old. I want to make my life complete before I become responsible for another life because I've realize the tragic family cycle where troubled people have children, and they're just really unfit parents and the children end up being troubled and unwhole themselves and it goes on and on.

I want to correct that.

Xue Miao: Dedication to Akiraceo

I made a quick post by uploading the pictures and narrating the story picture-by-picture through the video below. You can choose to skip the video and browse the pictures or read the captions as well. It's an eleven-minute-long video and the quality was surprisingly bad, I recorded it straight from the video icon through my webcam. If you ever choose to post a video on your blog, just film it on the computer's webcam application and upload it after. 

  

Alright, so I stayed home on Thursday because my relatives become pissed if I go out too often and I was told to shovel snow in the driveway at one o'clock, after making a snow angel on a lump of snow the idea to build a snowman popped in my head.Then I remembered I had to make a snowcat for a friend and I eagerly headed to the backyard to start work.

It was a learning experience. From what I had seen on T.V., people make snowmen by separately forming snowballs and stacking them atop the other. However, I had trouble rolling one for the head after piling snow and shaping the body. The snow was so dry and fresh, it just wouldn't stick; even after dripping water, it just wouldn't work. So I improvised and piled more snow on the original mountain and pressed the top to make the head.

I formed the ears by squeezing it between my gloves, slowly shaping it. The tail was the last thing I worked on and it was a last minute add-on. A cat is not a cat without its tail!

This took about an hour and a half, after an hour I took a break by rolling in the snow (above image) and all these pictures were taken after the fact that I had lost my phone. I went to my room to search for it and consequently, I grabbed my camera to snap photographs.

The view from the top.

The view from the cat's sexy back. Meow.

This was a stolen piece of comic strip from Jian's blog meant for reference which was never used after I saved it on my phone.

I had a rough memory of Miao, two orange strips on three sides of the face. I had totally forgotten the eyebrows! :c( The designs were cut out from paper, it was quite a feat putting it on. It wouldn't stick on with water alone, I had to pat snow over it and then pour water on it to clarify the snow's whiteness.

I lined the arms with my forefinger and the mouth was difficult engrave after leaving the cat to stand for half an hour while I searched for my smartphone. It hardened so when I tried to scrape it, a chunk of it broke off. I began to feel like an artiste and wanted a chisel and hammer to delicately shape the beautiful sculpture it was to become. "I could be an ice sculptor..." I had thought.

The fabulous side view of Miao, absolutely gorgeous, such a slight figure. He'd be a heavenly pyramid.

SEE HOW HARD WORKING I WAS? I scraped it until the grass appeared!

The Cat against the backdrop of the snowy terrain, a fierce cat, a rare species that can survive in such desolate conditions.

Meow! C: I LOVE IT, IT'S SO CUTE!

I took a picture with it as proof of making it... plus, people always take pictures of famous landmarks. *cough*

I had convinced myself to finish the cat before the last thorough search for my smartphone since I had already spent so much time building it. After sticking on the pieces of paper, I took as many pictures that would satisfiy me and proceeded to dig out Miao. I told my aunt to look at my finished work before I destroyed it, she liked it, she thought it was cute. :)

I actually had quite a fun time smashing it, although I was sad that the fruit of my efforts were shortlived.

Miao was lying on the ground bodyless, it was a tragic sight to behold. I was frowning... knowing what I had to do next. "I'm sorry, Miao," I cried.

"Meow meow meow meo-meow, meeeeow," said Miao. (Translation: --you'll never know!! T________T)

"Bye bye cat."
"Meow meow."

Piak!

And that was the end of Xue Miao. It was unneeded because my phone was phone a foot from the place I got up when I rolled (the very left at the bottom of the first picture). I'm so sorry! T_T I really feel so bad.

 

I will always remember you, Snow Miao and I miss you very much.

 

 

You know what else aggravates me? I forgot to wrap a scarf around Xue Miao! I even brought it down into the kitchen but my lost phone preoccupied me so much and my grandmother hung my scarf on the back of a chair, when it was originally on my sheets of construction paper, all of which wiped out the intention of clothing Miao. Aiyaaaaaa.

A Positive Experience

It was on a lazy Sunday that it hit me that I should do something that I've always wanted to do--donate blood. I hurriedly searched on Google on my smartphone to look for a number to book an appointment but to my dismay, the next day was when it would be close. I contacted Mary telling her of my intention and she booked an appointment for me on Tuesday, 26th of June, 2012--the day she was donating too.  

Mary P.is the Community Development Coordinator for Canadian Blood Services, she does a lot of important and crucial tasks such as recruiting donors, raise awareness and educate the public on blood donation specifically in Richmond Hill. I met Mary through Biology class as she frequently visits high schools to conduct blood typing which is very exciting as many people don't know what his/her own blood type is.

It was thrilling and horrifying but more towards the impatient excitement side. I've ALWAYS wanted to donate blood. I remember when I was 12 and there would be blood donation drives in my church but I was not allowed to donate because of my age. I had to be at least sixteen. But now, I'm 19 and I don't even need a parental permission slip, suckas! As that was 7 years ago, now the minimum age to donate is 17.

Okay, so I was a little late in meeting Mary at the Blood Donor Clinic, it was supposed to be 4 o'clock but I arrived six minutes late since I was lost inside Hillcrest Mall. The clinic is located right next to Boat House or you can directly enter after parking at Entrance #3.

 

Since I'm a "donor virgin", I had to register myself. It was quick, just the usual personal information you'd have to provide when applying for a membership card or what not. The receptionist was very nice and friendly.

Right after, they give you a package with a double-sided informative pamphlet to read. You then proceed to the first station to have your iron level checked and state whether you are fine with donating even after having read the pamphlet. Here's a nice 2-minute-and-19-second video of Mary getting checked.



It gives advice, warning and information on what blood diseases your blood will be tested for. As Canadian Blood Services takes great responsibility in ensuring patients/recipients of donated blood will not contract diseases, they heavily remind the donor not to give their blood if his or her blood's state was compromised.

It was my turn and as you can see, I was worked up and very curious about how it was going to be.

A first-person view, it's pretty cool to talk to someone with a plastic screen in front of the other person's face. Verbal communication was not hindered because of it.

I double-checked the information I gave and there was one error about my address, the postal code. The lady said that she liked my name and I told that it meant life in Greek. She then inquired if I was Greek and I gave a stunned expression. No one had ever asked me that before. LOL, there's a first time for every(strange)questionthing!

IT WAS TIME... TIME TO prick my finger. ="( That was pretty scary, I remember freaking out when Mary was going to prick my finger when she conducted a blood type test in my biology class last semester year. I scrunched up my face in anticipation. Lo' and behold, I could feel the sharp tiny pain on my finger for a microsecond. But yes, I was very dramatic.

My iron levels were fine but I was a bad, bad donor. I actually overslept and had just enough time to drink a glass and a half of water, pop in an iron pill (since I am iron deficient) and change from my PJs to rush off to Hillcrest Mall. I didn't have lunch or any food at all beforehand. Mary was cautious and told me that I should quickly eat something at the food court. So off I went with my water bottle, wallet and camera.

I was obsessed with Mama Burgers by A&W that week. I had two of those a couple of days before, they taste good and they're cheap! Mama Burgers are only $1.50 each. Plus I needed to eat something that was fast and easy, a Subway sandwich would have taken too long.

I was beginning to feel a slight ache at my ring finger's joint but it wasn't terrible. Also, a warning to people who leave their valuables on the table: Don't put it on the edge of the table. I saw a 30-ish, Chinese man with a small backpack who wasn't shopping or anything but walking around back and forth and I caught him eyeing my wallet. I stared at him for three seconds before he walked away, he was a meter away from the table.

I wasn't feeling hungry so I chomped down one burger and had another gulp of water from which the A&W cashier kindly refilled my water bottle since there are NO water fountains in Hillcrest Mall! I walked back to the Blood Donor Clinic and found Mary halfway through her blood donation. :D

It looks complicated with all the tape and colourful clips but it's just one long curly tube with two endings, one going to the main pouch that collects 450ml of blood and the other to a small separate bag for testing.

Mary's almost done with her donation! The bag of blood is placed on a slanting machine that moves up and down like a seesaw to prevent it from coagulating since the time it takes to collect blood varies from person to person.

For Mary, it was a record four minutes and forty-six seconds! Whoa.

The nurse pressed down a cotton pad on where the needle was inserted and told Mary to apply pressure on it for 5 minutes which was timed on the timer as well.

There's a table where there are two boxes of medical supplies and in this one there are needles, pincers, alcohol wipes, swab sticks, disposable gloves and plasters.

 

Even the bandaging requires the upmost hygienic standard of wearing gloves! The nurses never really touch the tiny spot either. They keep the cotton pad flat. 

Then apply plaster over it.

And wrap a stringy/straw-like bandage over it which seals itself by contracting the fiber which locks with the other surface as opposed to an adhesive bandage. After a while it hurts your skin since it sticks to it and despite pulling it off, it clings back on.

But it's all worth it since it's so pretty and you only need to keep it on for an hour! The bandage reads "GIVE BLOOD" which  is interesting since I'd expect it to be "Just Gave Blood". But good stuff, it's encouragement to other people to donate their blood as well if they were to inquire about the tape on your arm.

Mary went on to have a bit of refreshments (which are free, by the way!) while I continued my donation process.

Every time you donate, no matter how many times you have donated, you have to complete a questionnaire. It is the same one every single time unless they were updated.

The questions ask about your health, travelling and sexual history. If you are uncomfortable with answering personal questions and refuse to disclose, then you will not be able to donate your blood. All the questions are meant to protect blood recipients from potential diseases you may carry if you have done any of the compromising activities.

A nurse sat me down on one their comfy red lazy chairs at the Blood Donor Clinic and confirmed if I've read the pamphlet, I was all smiles because I was very nervous. I have a HUGE fear of needles :S

I had to close my eyes and thank God, Mary was right beside the whole time, I tightly gripped onto her hand when the nurse was inserting the needle into my left-hand vein. Blood soon gushed into the tubes, it was a dark, dark maroon. To improve blood movement, the nurse scrunched up some paper towel and asked me to constantly roll and squeeze it.

The little pouch, separate from the main one on the rocking machine, collects 5ml of blood which is used to test if your blood contains any diseases but many viruses in its early stages aren't detectable which is why answering the questionnaire truthfully is critical.

I was about 5 minutes into my blood transferal when this picture was taken, clearly, I was nowhere near where Mary was. She was done within 5 minutes, I only filled one-quarter of the bag. The nurse wasn't pleased with the progression and adjusted my arm in different positions, I wasn't squeezing the paper towel ball because my muscles were tender, I think she put the needle in an awkward place where I didn't feel comfortable in moving my arm or hand at all. Perhaps it was because it was my first time I was too nervous to do anything.

Mary chatted with me and frequently asked if I was doing alright and if I felt okay. Some people feel dizzy and/or nauseous and the aftermath sometimes include bruising, swelling, bleeding and rashes around the needle spot. I felt perfectly fine and normal, I'm so grateful to have had Mary accompany through this first-time experience since she is a very experienced donor. In the video, she said it was her 19th time donating!

I was finally done, it took a much longer time than anticipated. Mary said the transferal takes anywhere from between 5 and 20 minutes; 5 and below are usually by prepared, experienced donors. Drinking lots of water is key to make the blood flow faster. Mary expected that I'd be done at around 10 minutes as she'd never seen anyone take close to 20 minutes but you know how long it took me? Eighteen minutes! I'm the exception, I'm always the exception.  -_______-

It was cool to receive this stress ball in the shape of a blood droplet.
If you have any questions, there are many answered FAQs on blood.ca (English version).

It was a profound moment, I felt I had accomplish something. Like I had given birth to a baby, all the anxiety that comes with labour to have produced a beautiful bag of blood that could save up to three people. A pity I didn't get to hug it before it was taken away.

 

 Once the bag of blood reaches CBS' laboratory, it is separated into its three main components: red blood cells, plasma and platelets. Patients either receive direct blood tranfusions or blood products made from your blood. Depending on the type of product, burn victims need plasma, cancer patients need platelets and car accident victims need red blood cells. 

So I urge you, give blood! Don't adulterate it with alcohol or smoke residue. You're perfectly well and healthy and could save other people's lives. Blood is in such a high demand, I was told by a lady over the phone from CBS, that your bag of blood tend to be used within 5 days of donating it. The shelf life for platelets is 5 days while for red blood cells, it is 42 days.

A friendly man tending the table of refreshments gave me a pin. Look at how smug I was, I was feeling pretty cool and officialized (and very appreciated, of course).

 

 

I took a quick webcam shot of the pin. It's beautiful! You've got the Canadian maple leaf on it with the number 1 in it.

I am Numba Wan!  

I really loved the goodies. I received First Time Donor stickers, a stress ball and a pretty pin! It was a pleasure to chat with such warm and kind souls at the table after donating blood. They would also share their stories of donating blood and their motivation behind it which is often very heroic and touching.

I helped myself to a bag of tidbits and listened in on the conversation while updating my Twitter and Facebook.

 

All went well and I was advised not to do anything strenuous for the next 6-8 hours. I wanted to donate my blood in June but as I had a dragon boat competition four days before my planned appointment, I canceled it just in case it would hinder my best performance. A couple of days later, I noticed bruises on my right arm.

It was weird as I didn't remember hitting those spots but then I realized it was near where the needle was pierced. The bruises were barely visible and did not hurt and it disappeared after three days.

All in all, it was an exciting and pleasant experience. I wore the bandage around my arm with pride, it wasn't from an embarrassing cooking mishap but a voluntarily act of saving lives with minimal risk.

 

 

 

Guess what my blood type is. Do you know yours?